Don't Read This
by xInTheShadowsx
Summary: Seriously. You're better off not knowing.
1. Don't read this

Really? Against my wishes and warning you're still going to pursue reading this. Tch, the curiosities of man will one day be its downfall. But, I supposed it's not _entirely_ your fault. After all, if I had really wished for no one to read it, I could have titled it under a different name or something. But, whatever.

"Think of this as a diary of sorts," as my "therapist" says. "Just vent out all your anger and talk about your problems." Che. As if writing about my problems and posting it on the ridiculous website will help myself or anyone else. If anything, it will bring me more ridicule and hate in the form of "flames" and " hate mail." Tch, what a stupid woman.

I mean really, I could vent my anger out in a different way.

Like beating someone up.

…

Or kicking puppies.

…

Was that too far over the line?

…

Perhaps it was.

…

…

I don't really kick puppies.

…

…

…

Why are you still reading this? Have you nothing better to do other than wasting your time reading and mocking the woes of the life of a tragic seventeen-year-old kid?

…

…

Your persistence is admiring…and somewhat, annoying.

…

Just a fair warning though, should you continue to read this - though I have no idea why you would do such an absurd thing - you will eventually get to know me on a more…personal level.

Now now, don't look at the screen with such a disgusted look. If you don't want to know me anymore that this, then I suggest you close this window and never open the link again.

…

…

Now for those of you who are idiots and didn't exit out (you stupid imbeciles), my "therapist" is making me type this out.

And she is currently looking over my shoulder to make sure I'm not going to skip out on it.

…

Just so you know, I hate you woman. This is the stupidest thing I could ever do and you're just a reta-

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Dfkajdfajdfnadfjandjflakjdfl ajndlfaidhfoiuqehnrifiuhadfi hadifjaieura

JESUS WOMAN! THERE WAS NO NEED TO SMASH MY FACE INTO THE KEYBOARD! YOU FREAKING BIT-

OWWW!

Violent much.

* * *

_Sasuke Uchiha, _

_I would greatly appreciate it if you continued with the assignment for today. Stop messing around and typing useless things._

_Your friend and therapist,_

_Anko :)_

* * *

…

Friend my ass.

OW! Okay okay! Jesus woman, I'M TYPING!

_Name:_ Sasuke Uchiha

_Age:_ 17

_Why are you in therapy:_ Because I have stupid friends that say I haven't been myself since the incident that shall not be named...kinda like Voldemort.

Okay let's get one thing straight.

I'm _FINE_. Despite popular belief I have been perfectly normal since said unnamed incident. I'm fu-asdjfhbakehrbcajflafljhdfabd 

_TEME! YOU ARE NOT FREAKING FINE! D: STOP BEING DELUSIONAL! YOU'VE BEEN LIVING LIKE A VEGETABLE EVER SINCED IT HAPPENED AND YOU NEED FREAKING HELP MAN! SERIOU-_

DOBE WTF! DON'T JUST GO BARGING INTO ROOMS LIKE THAT! IT'S RUDE AND…totally like you. What am I saying? I should have expected it from an idiot like you.

_OI! WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN! YOU BAS- _

_OW! DAMN IT!_

* * *

_Naruto Uzumaki,_

_ Would you kindly get the hell out of this room and never barge in here again, least you want to face SEVERE punishment. :D _

_Anko_

* * *

_…O.O Yes ma'am._

Tch. Do you see what I have to deal with? If anything I should be checked out by a doctor to figure out where all my sanity went. Because NO sane person would hang out with these psychotic people I call friends. Not to mention my therapist is PMSing all the damn time. I'm not even sure if she can be considered a proper therapist, after all she's just the school nurse (and a completely horrible one at that).

…

…

Yes. All of you reading this should pity me.

Pity me immensely.


	2. Why are you still here?

...

So

…

Here I am again.

Unfortunately.

…

You know that I think you're stupid for continuing to read this right?

Good.

Just as long as you know.

…

Why must you still be here? Don't you have a life? Oh wait. My apologizes. That was a stupid question; you don't have a life. Instead of going out and doing something productive, you're wasting your time on the Internet reading some poor kids' "dairy."

Ugh. What a terrible word.

_Dairy. _

Just typing the word makes me want to puke. It's disgusting. Anko needs to use a better word for this.

Yes.

A much more masculine word.

…

…

* * *

_Sasuke,_

_ Don't forget to thank your reviewers and followers. It will help you stop being afraid of human interaction and make you more social! EMBRACE THEIR LOVE FOR YOU! ACCEPT IT!_

_Anko_

* * *

…

She's on some type of trippy drug or something, I swear. I mean really, why would I need to thank stupid people. I didn't ask them to review or follow like I've see some people on this website do.

Talk about fishing for complements much.

If anything I should be questioning their intelligence because apparently, being able to read and comprehend words is too much for their tiny brains to handle.

Tch. What part of _DON'T READ THIS _and _SERIOUSLY. YOUR BETTER OFF NOT KNOWING _is difficult to understand? Like I said before, your curiosity will one day _KILL _you. You know how that stupid saying goes.

Curiosity killed the snake, or something like that.

But that is exactly what will happen if you continue to not use your brains.

But it's okay, you can do it. Use that tiny thing you call a brain. I believe in you.

…

Actually, no I don't. I still think your stupid.

Especially those people who reviewed. You're just all kinds of special right there.

_Lidsworth _commented on how the last entry was funny and how they loved it.

…

Is my pain and problems funny to you _lidsworth_? You're a sick and twisted person. I'm ashamed. I would never do something so sick and twisted. That's as absurd as me going around on a rampant killing spree to enact revenge on someone, vowing to kill them. Absolutely ridiculous.

And _lidsworth _wasn't the only one too lazy to sign into their account, _Ice Dragon _reviewed under guest too, saying that Anko is the _"best therapist ever." _

….

You, my friend, need to stop taking whatever meds you taking currently. It's affecting you ability to judge people, because Anko is the absolute WORST THERAPIST EVER!

* * *

_Ice Dragon,_

_ Isn't Sasuke just a stupid moron? Obviously he's so shaken up by the incident that he can't tell what an amazing therapist and person I am. At least I know there's one smart person out there who knows my awesomeness. _

_I LOVE YOU!_

_Anko :D_

* * *

Riiiight.I'M the stupid moron. So sorry for the misunderstanding. I MUST be stupid or something.

* * *

_ Good job Sasuke! Admitting and accepting your problems is the first step to recovery! _

_Anko_

* * *

You stupid woman! I was being _sarcastic._

…

Why do I even bother? She's not going to listen anyways. I don't understand her, nor do I ever want to understand what goes on in that mess she calls a mind.

Speaking of not understanding.

_DreamAngel2713. _What do you mean, _"Thank god Sasuke is perfectly in character?" _

Of course I'm "in character." I AM the one typing this.

Tch.

Not only do you find my pain amusing, but apparently you also think that I'm some pathetic sixteen-year-old girl who has nothing better to do with her life than write a story about a fictional character. That is absolutely absurd and pathetic. You're just re-

* * *

_What Sasuke means to say is, THANK YOU! He really appreciates your reviews and looks forward to more in the future. Also a very big thank you to:_

_JuliaAbadeerSkellington_

_faceless killer_

_tap-is-life_

_ For following and faving Sasuke's dairy entries. He really does appreciate it. _

_ Anko :3_

* * *

WOMAN! I already told you that these are not diary entries. This is definitely more masculine than the pathetic diary entries of a little girl.

Tch.

Stupid, all of you.

* * *

A/N!

Hello minions of the interweb! I just wanted to point out (before people start getting mad at me and all) that everything that "Sasuke says" in these diary entries should be taken with a grain of salt. I repeat. TAKE THIS WITH A GRAIN OF SALT! I'm not really insulting your intelligence (I do really believe that you are very intellectual individuals), and I do believe that you have a life. And I am really grateful for your reviews and everything.

So for those of you who don't understand that, just get out. If you're going to be insulted by this, then I don't need you leaving reviews on how I'm being rude by calling people "stupid" and "retarded" through my stories. You just don't understand, and I'm sorry that you can't take a joke nor can you understand the meaning of character development. You should really fix that or else you won't get anywhere in life.

But! For those of you who do understand, I thank you IMMENSELY and hope you continue to read my story. I LOVE YOU ALL! :3

And i promise that I will DEFINITELY get to the plot line next chapter. Characters might also become OCC, but i will try my hardest to make sure that it doesn't happen. But eh. Sometimes these things are unavoidable. Le sigh. Such is life.

-xITSx


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